At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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