I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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