i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
P.S. I can't hear my feet
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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