I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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