Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Let's get the cat blown out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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