she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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