she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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