She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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