well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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