it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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