I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
