remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
