He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
