an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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