I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
