They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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