I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
