WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
