I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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