Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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