his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
