His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
