Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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