i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up under a house in Key West
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