it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
