i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
