do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No subtext here. People are naked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
