How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
