I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
