matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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