I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
