do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
