I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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