So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
