you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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