You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
