I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
