Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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