hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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