Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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