I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
