bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking