dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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