I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.