you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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