About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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