brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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