I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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