There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
