Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
