I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
