last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
