I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
