What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
