dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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