I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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