i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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