She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
