Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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