Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You are a genius and a whore.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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