True but thats because hes a fetus.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Green mimosas i think yes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
