I saw his package. It spoke to me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
